Failure preparation works.

Okay, so I just got back a submission and I'm probably annoyed at myself that I didn't get as high as I wanted to. I would say that Andy is by far more annoyed than I am, because honestly, I have gotten too use to this fact already.

So what was it? Well it was a mangement submission, which we had thought was vastly more superior than our original submission, hence the mark would also be vastly more superior- close to full marks. Then what happened? The unthinkable! Rosie gave us a shocking appraisal of our work and from the word go, she criticised every single mistake in it. It was like a wicked witch was tearing through the paper, laughing evily with each strike on our flesh. Result: we scored lower than our opposition (more salt into the wound), and probably lowest of all the submissions this round (more more salt).

What am I trying to get at? Well. Simple. Expect the low mark, and applaud the unexpected rather than expect a good mark and weep at the result. It is terrible to think that a geuninely good piece of work, no matter how good one may think of it, is evaluated in the worse light possible. It feels like that the tutor has terrorised your pride and joy without any remorse or consideration of its worth. After that bloodbath, one is left to think of what may have been: 'oh no, I did that' or 'far out, the references were there, b----!', or 'she's the one that's irrelevant'. The blame game has just begun, and of course you blame everyone but yourself. The chaos. The ruin. The tears.

So how is this relevant? Well it helps to demonstrate why I have decided to do the underestimate situation where I would rather be happier knowing I did better than what I had anticipated. Thinking a 10 and getting a 14 is more satisfying than thinking 14 and getting 10- get the drift? But Abi has a point. By doing that, we aren't really pushing ourselves to the limit, and we really are not evaluating our strengths and weaknesses. There is no other motive in this tactic but to just prepare yourself for the worst. This is for those that are insecure, those that don't want to play the confidence game, rather the mere speculation game. It embodies the uncertainty of the situation and turns it into a positive rather than a negative. However, what it shows most is how I lack the self-confidence and self-pride over my work, and the loss of that very essence deems my work to be totally worthless in itself.

But insofar, after today, my reasoning and rationalisation on this issue won't budge a whisker. We learn from our experiences, and change as a result of it. I figure that if I am satisfied with what I'm doing now, then why change? Why fix the unbroken?