Let's just cry.

.the.violin.

I hate it.
When people take you for granted. You're only a random person. They don't want to know you or attempt to know you because you're just some random guy. Or because you dress in black and look threatening. Or when you have these fluctuating moods where you're a quiet depressed cunt one minute then this happy loud guy the next, and that they find that horribly weird. Or because the people you keep running into are complete snobs. Or maybe because you're out of luck. Or because you say 'Rainbow is cool!' all the time. You usually don't take care if others don't wanna talk to you or anything (you don't blame them), but there's this one particular person you want to get to know better but you can't for many reasons. Geographical difficulties. Different courses. Different universities. Different backgrounds. Different social groups. Yet you share the same passion for honesty and brutality in life with them. Fuck enthusiasm.

This sucks. I can't get close to people I want to because I can't be myself around them. I'm self conscious of my character. I'm scared they're gonna think I'm a loser, or I'm weird or something. When that happens, my social skills drop by 80%. I spend more time thinking of what I'm doing then what I'm actually doing. I want them to like me back. So I can be happy and be cared for by people I actually like. Yet the people I don't really intend to get close to, I let myself loose. I give away any comments that pop into my head, I don't think of what I say and generally... that's the real me. I don't really care what they think of me, as long as they don't full hate me. And the opposite occurs.