SHOCK: US FALSIFIES HUSSEIN CAPTURE! (Gotta See This Guys!)

Leaked memo from The White House claim that the capture of Saddam Hussein fifteen kilometres from his hometown of Tikrit was falsified.

In a major and stunning leak, it is claimed that the Defence Department falsified the capture of Saddam Hussein through the use of a 'double'. It is believed that the whereabouts of the true Saddam Hussein is still unknown, but from recent United States intelligence reports, he is believed to still be in Iraq.

Details have emerged from the memo regarding the supposed bungling of the DNA test that was used to verify the identity of Hussein. It is believed that American defence officials silently agreed to mislead and deceive the media into believing Hussein had been captured by offering false DNA results. The entire press conference held in Baghdad was also falsified, as were the press within, who were silenced with undisclosed sums of money. The matter has been referred to the highest court in the United States for further investigation. All military and FBI responses have been frozen within America to assist in this urgent matter.

The memo also detailed the increasing disgruntlement and disillusionment of the Iraqi and American people, giving the White House impetus to quicken its search for Hussein. There is still no confirmation on whether the United States President George Bush had any knowledge or involvement in this conspiracy.

Meanwhile, Democrats in America are voicing their anger at the American congress and are calling for the resignation of the President, citing perjury. The most recent president to be involved in scandal was Bill Clinton in 2000. Scandalous news have surfaced regarding the embattled newly elected governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has told media about the 'script-like' nature of such an event. Schwarzenegger has also predicted using his vast knowledge on script construction the anticpated journey and ending of this saga, which he has refused to disclose. However, he has disclosed to media that he told President Bush in a telephone conversation directly after the memo leak to 'fight like Rambo' and to 'work the media like Jamie-Lee Curtis' in the seductive thriller True Lies. President Bush through his minders has refused to comment on this matter.

News about this conspiracy has reached Australian Prime Minister John Howard, who was the only world leader to comment upon this matter. He spoke excitedly about the 'ludicrous and absurd' behaviour of the media and called them 'mongrels' and 'scoundrels', 'a force to be reckoned with'. Howard however refused to comment on such frenzied local media issues such as 'arse-sniffing' and the 'dog-like attitude' that the Australian Government adopts in its foreign policy towards America. Opposition Leader of Australia, Mark Latham only had harsh and abusive words to say when contacted. His party refused to speculate or comment further for fear of endangering the party's improved chances of winning the federal vote next year.

All comments from within the White House have been restricted to the cliched 'no comment', and all media have been told to refrain from questioning on such a matter until further notice or face indefinite detention in Guantanamo Bay. The strong secrecy regarding this topic only helps to validate the leaked memo, and discredit the Republican administration, who have been under sustained attack by the United Nations and the world community for breaches of human rights at Camp X-ray at Guantanamo Bay. 'Let's lock Howard, ah, I mean Bush in 'ere that ****... or **** him into Nauru' commented Latham in an interview on Meet The Press last Sunday. Latham's explosive and unpredictable dog-like temperament has been a good strategy for the Labor party with approval ratings soaring by 1% to fresh post-Crean highs of 2% in this week's poll conducted by Newspoll.

It is expected that the United States President will give an address to the nation within the next few hours. The media have been told to stay clear from the premises, which until this morning was heavily guarded by Secret Service personnel to prevent the wedding of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck from being disturbed. In such an event, it is expected that President Bush will be able to deliver such a speech in silence and with minimal media contact, as to avoid disasterous repercussions when running against Democrat Hillary Clinton in the election next year. Clinton has been scathing in her attacks upon the incumbent Republican administration calling them 'liars', 'cowards' and 'cheats'. She vowed to initiate a full independently endorsed investigation in earnest upon her election: aimed at clearing husband Bill's name.

Further details are slow to enter into media circles. This publication will update when more information becomes available.





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