"Don't wake me from this dream..."

I bummed around streets of Hurstville till 12 last night. I should stop 'cause it's not safe for me and my mum gets pissed. I learnt something important though... there's only one place u can rely on in Hurstville at that time of night... CYBER CAFE!!! Reason for bumming? I felt like shit. Then my mum and dad was screaming at me and I didnt want to take that crap from them (sound familiar?). But I didn't go cry. I didn't talk to anyone about it, nor call anyone, nor anything. Why? Plain and simple. I got no peer support. I got no friends myself. So I rely on myself and decided to do something peace of mind. I just walked out of the house. Should've seen the look on their faces. I shouldn't be pissing off my mum at this time of year because of her illness. Anywho... I didn't really care. I have too many things on my mind. I bought myself a milk drink at 7/11 and just walked around the streets of Hurstville and see how far I can go before I decide to walk home.

Ben, as much as I want to help you (and I really really want to, 'cause I know exactly what you're going through), I still gotta help myself in some ways before I end up literally killing myself. Every good opportunity that I get, I will CALL you (I'm on voda). I assure you I'll try not to let you down on this. I NEED you around sometimes ok? 'Cause most of my other peers are shang and mando and I don't speak their language, so I need a local guy to make myself feel comfortable. Also to add, you have to be the one making an effort to participate!!! I asked you to come out with us so many times in Yr 10/11, but you refused to =\ And I'm on a mission to retrieve and get back my confidence and self esteem of my yr 11 self before I ran into certain people. But I'm in a very very fragile state, so bear with me a little bit. I don't make much effort when it comes to socialising 'cause I seriously don't have the motivation for it. Kareoke??? OK... I know who you've been talking to :P But I don't want it to be the central influence of our lives (which is apparent to some people... makes me sad and sick to think about it) Also, my going out tastes are very very weird @_@" But I'll alter it for the sake of others.

ANYWHO...
I was planning to go deep today, but I got the urge to play cs. Good stress reliever.
Man when I feel shit, you'll see a 3000+ essay on life here some day. I actually have a bit prescripted, but yeah, who cares. Not like anyone reads it.

Eco tomorrow, lots of people finish tomorrow. Looking forward to the official holidays. Well, not really, but I'll make the effort.

- Deranged Soul